Another Kind of Cloud: The Internet of Farts

It’s taken as canon that girls mature faster than boys. In reality, what happens is that boys stop maturing at about age 12 while girls keep going. And nothing tickles the fancy of the ageless pre-teen boy trapped within all men more than a good fart joke. To wit, we present a geolocating fart tracker for your daily commute.

[Michel] is the hero this world needs, and although he seems to have somewhat of a preoccupation with hacks involving combustible gasses, his other non-methane related projects have graced our pages before, like this electrical meter snooper or an IoT lawn mower. The current effort, though, is a bit on the cheekier side.

The goal is to keep track of his emissions while driving, so with a PIC, an ESP8266, a GPS module, and a small LCD display and keyboard, he now has a way to log his rolling flatulence. When the urge overcomes him he simply presses a button, which logs his location and speed and allows him to make certain qualitative notes regarding the event. The data gets uploaded to the cloud every Friday, which apparently allows [Michel] to while away his weekends mapping his results.

It turns out that he mainly farts while heading south, and he’s worried about the implications both in terms of polar ice cap loss and how Santa is going to treat him next month. We’re thinking he’s got a lock on coal — or at least activated charcoal.

Our beef with this project is obvious – it relies on the honor system for input. We really need to see this reworked with an in-seat methane detector to keep [Michel] honest. Until then, stay young, [Michel].

32 thoughts on “Another Kind of Cloud: The Internet of Farts

  1. This project stinks!
    Joking aside, correlation of flatulence with a food log can help with the diagnosis of certain digestive issues and intolerance of certain foods.

    Butt yeah, those seats need some activated charcoal in them.

  2. I think you underestimate michels honesty if that is your only problem. a man who goes out of his way to not only log the farts but then spends his weekend analysing the results?
    the detector might be interesting to see the different compositions but not all farts contain methane you would need a whole array of gas sensors to check the composition.
    the real issue is that its not female friendly, option 3 “nothing” its simply not possible apparently for a woman to think about nothing.
    oh and the screws aren’t lined up.

    1. My beef isn’t with under-reporting. A guy this engaged with his flatulence is more likely to over-report IMHO, especially when the data is going to be available in the cloud. Sure, [Benjamin Franklin] advised us to “Fart Proudly”, but as a scientist he would have been aghast at the potential for abuse that this system provides. Lock it down, I say, and if you want to run the numbers up, dine accordingly.

  3. THIS is how we get more women into tech. The hell with STEM.

    The internet is turning the world into a bunch of fucking idiots…. And we should burn Mike Judge, the man is obviously a witch.

    1. My thought as well.
      Perfect for road trips. Identify the source, intensity and volume. Announce the identity of the violator over the car audio system. Open the windows that would allow the best cross ventilation.
      Email the infraction to the responsible tracking organization.
      This gives cloud computing a new meaning.
      😀

      1. Do the BBC know some pigfucker has taken their fairly mediocre sketch show, and plopped his own logo onto it?

        Nothing wrong with sharing stuff off TV, especially since the British public have already paid for it. But this sort of blatant ripoff is just crass, cheesy.

  4. The first sentence about maturity of boys and girls registers the author among the great club of usefull idiots. What it’s gonna be next: white is ugly? Can’t he just stay focus on the topics of this site.
    Since women’s chihuahua are legion among nerds, here the correct answer to them:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IAF2UmyXe-4 (karen straughan)
    The only reason girls dislike you dear lonely nerds is because you are more intelligent. Not because they are superior..! So wake up guys. Gorgeous average peoples are just average peoples.

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