Hamster Trades Crypto Better Than You

The inner machinations of the mind of cryptocurrency markets are an enigma. Even traditional stock markets often seem to behave at random, to the point that several economists seriously suggest that various non-human animals might outperform one market or another just by random chance alone. The classic example is a monkey picking stocks at random, but in the modern world the hamster [Mr Goxx] actively trades crypto from inside his hamster cage.

[Mr Goxx]’s home comprises a normal apartment and a separate office where he can make his trades. The office contains an “intention wheel” where he can run in order to select a currency to trade, and two tunnels that [Mr Goxx] can use to declare his intention to buy or sell the currency he selected with the wheel. The wheel is connected to an Arduino Nano with an optical encoder, and the Nano also detects the hamster’s presence in the “buy” or “sell” tunnel and lights up status LEDs when he wants to execute a trade. The Nano also communicates with an intricate Java program which overlays information on the live video feed and also executes the trades in real life with real money.

Live updates are sent directly both on Twitter and Reddit, besides the live Twitch stream of [Mr Goxx] we linked above. The stream only shows his office and not his apartment, and he’s mostly active at night (Berlin time). But we can’t wait for his random walks to yield long-term results which can be analyzed for years to come. In the meantime we’ll see if others have been able to make any profits in crypto with any less-random methods.

19 thoughts on “Hamster Trades Crypto Better Than You

    1. Yes let’s hope so. I’ve heard that Punxsutawney Phil has now disappeared after last being seen trading cryptos while living in international waters on a yacht with John McAfee.

  1. This is an interesting example of personification. The hamster isn’t doing anything that hamsters don’t normally do: walk and climb. We’ve merely unilaterally determined to interpret his natural actions as having human significance. He doesn’t trade crypto, people trade crypto based on what he does. It’s weird to me that some humans think this is something worth spending time on. If you’re trying to prove randomness, do it mathematically. This seems to have so many logical flaws that it doesn’t even accomplish any scientific purpose. It can only be for laughs, but it’s not really fun.

    Furthermore, in my experience with the stock market, it isn’t random at all, it’s all herd mentality and self preservation at the expense of others. Study humanity and the stock market will follow.

    1. Or you could study the stock market and inhumanity would follow, or at very least a full dissociation from human suffering.
      A: No, no, I’m looking for the companies that are laying the most people off right now, because their stock price will be low. I need to know right now because once the stock market finds out there will be a feeding frenzy.
      B: But what is your criteria for jumping off before the stock peaks. Like how do you avoid being the sucker holding the bag when the stock tanks ?
      A: …

      1. Ironically, companies that lay off a lot of people can see their stock price grow. As their income stays the same for a while, but their expenses drop = more profit, which can appear as if they are doing good. And the effect of laying off people on income is delayed.

      2. But what is your criteria for jumping off before the stock peaks. Like how do you avoid being the sucker holding the bag when the stock tanks ?

        There’s a saying on wallstreet. Bulls make money, Bears make money, but Pigs get slaughtered. Translation: Don’t be greedy. If you want to invest, buy and hold for the long run (look at Warren Buffet) and don’t worry about short term peaks. If you want to trade, get out when you’ve made a reasonable amount and don’t try to sell only at the peak. Being greedy is what got hedgefunds in trouble that shorted gamestop.

  2. I trade crypto using the methods of the ancients, reading animal entrails from roadkill. It’s just as useful and successful as any other method.

    I’ve also had success by casting lots, praying, using the old “cow poops on a specific square” method, and other highly successful methods.

    For 19.99 I will teach you how!

    Send 19.99 plus 29.99 for S&H, plus 1.99 for fee-payment-fee, 1.99 for fee-payment-fee-recovery-fee, 1.99 fee-payment-fee-recovery-fee surcharge, 1.99 1.99 fee-payment-fee-recovery-fee surcharge-levy, 1.99 fee-payment-fee-recovery-fee surcharge-levy-premium.

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    1. What might be more interesting, add a servo to cover the food bowl and something to indicate the price now and the price say ten seconds ago.
      Then only uncover the food when profits are made [ or x time had elapsed, save starvation. ]
      Goldfish have been trained to play basketball ball for food. Pigs have proven to be very good at using a joystick to get a dot in a box. I wonder which animal might prove most profitable.

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