The news is full of reports from the moon-bound Integrity, otherwise known as Artemis II. Mostly, the news is good, but there has been one “Houston, we have a problem…” moment. The space toilet, otherwise known as the Universal Waste Management System or UWMS is making a burning smell while in use. While we would love to be astronauts, we really don’t want to go ten days without using the can, and it made us wonder how, exactly, the astronauts answered the call of nature.
The Old Days
Back in the Apollo-era, going to the bathroom was a messy business. The capsule wasn’t that big, and there were no women on board. So you simply strapped an adhesive-rimmed bag or tube to yourself and answered nature’s call with your two closest coworkers right there.
The system was far from perfect. Apollo 8 and Apollo 10 both had to do some housekeeping due to leaky bags.
Astronaut Ken Mattingly reportedly said, “Man, one of the feats of my existence the other day was, in 42 minutes, I strapped on a bag, went out of both ends, and ate lunch…. I used to want to be the first man to Mars. This has convinced me that, if we got to go on Apollo, I ain’t interested.”
Still, it was better than the first Mercury launch, where Alan Shepard famously relieved himself in his spacesuit while sitting on the pad for over eight hours. Later missions used hoses.
Things got slightly better with Skylab, where there was more room. The Shuttle also had a toilet. You got a curtain for privacy, but you couldn’t go #1 and #2 at the same time. Also, apparently, the contraptions were not easily workable for females.
Modern Times
The early International Space Station used a similar system to the shuttle. However, in 2020, the UWMS debuted. It is easier to use for the female anatomy, and it has a door. This is essentially the same bathroom crammed into Integrity. Given the size of the capsule, we doubt the door is more than a symbol, but still.
Rather than explain the UWMS operation, you can watch the video below. Note that everyone has their own funnel. There are some things you just don’t want to share.
What’s That Smell?
We don’t know what the burning smell is on Integrity, but we are sure we are going to find out. One other thing we never quite see addressed is how you clean up afterward. We aren’t sure we want to know.
Perhaps it is ironic that the first Artemis mission with a crew is having bathroom problems. After all, the Artemis slogan is “Let’s Go!” You’ll have to finish that joke on your own.
Back in 2016, NASA solicited ideas about space toilets. If you have any ideas, maybe drop them a line.
I’m surprised HaD didn’t have an article to talk about the Integrity crew needing tech support to remote in to their computer to troubleshoot their Microsoft Outlook.
Why are they even allowed to run Microslop while in orbit? Linux kernel can be made to run real-time and safety-proof. In kernels based on MS-DOS and NT it’s impossible due to how scheduling algorithms are implemented. Also, compared to the horroshow that is WinAPI or C# YAML, writing Qt is pretty skid.
You think the user friendly office applications run in the same environment as the ship’s core systems?
FYI there’s this thing called Libre Office that doesn’t involve DRM or forced telemetry. It can also run on pretty much any distro and any CPU available, incl. Raspberry Pi.
The Voyager probe type guys should have coded everything. Microslop should go in that toilet….working or no.
You really need proper room, like this Skylab II concept:
https://ntrs.nasa.gov/citations/20120016760
Here, you don’t have to live in a capsule.
I would like to see an Earth-Moon cycler, where the capsule can be a bit smaller.
And that makes no difference to anything really as they’re not using word and excel for keeping the mission alive and on track. Their use of office is just for publicity.
And, maybe, presentation about funding better toilets.
Again Astronauts “productivity” computers are not attached to critical ship systems. There’s no need to use exotic systems here. It’s far better to use what they are already familiar with from their day to day office work on the ground. This is literally probably all email, teams chats, creating/filling out word docs/spread sheets, downloading and sending photos/videos from cameras and maybe some light web browsing given the bandwidth constraints.
“And, maybe, presentation about funding better toilets.”
For reference these are way better than Apollo days. Even partly working.
This isat politics or a football team to support.
Its just an OS so calm down.
Are you sure this is not an April Fools joke? Out of all software in existence, Outlook has to be the worst, in reliability, usability and feature creep. I never thought Gmail was anything special, but after going back to outlook, man, what a clunky and slow mess it is. It feels like they got nothing right, just piles and piles of bandages.
“you couldn’t go #1 and #2 at the same time”
Easier said than done!
That was my first thought, too.
If you have a binary suction system to tackle #1 and #2 separately or even simultaneously then that should take hygenic care of them. Still, the obnoxious wind and smell problems would remain but if a dietary solution is sought even those could be discreetly tucked away ! A sort of fragrant -silencer dessicating butt-plug could also be invented, perhaps !
Well perhaps I should have said in the same session.
In numerical order usually, butt sometimes reverse order is sudden. If there is a hose-funnel then why not both at the same time? It seems that the vacuum system has to conserve cabin air, so one at a time? If it’s a closed cycle water recovery system it must have a limited capacity. Paper either goes in the pot or in a baggie like napkins.
How do the aliens use the toilet? Maybe ChatGPT knows. Or Star Trek?
But the more important question is do you want to use the toilet after them?
Reminds me of Space Camp movie, Max needed to use the toilet while up in space but he’s a kid and his feet couldn’t reach the pedal. NASA hasn’t designed a toilet for children and probably not for a few more decades.
Actually, NASA can’t fly children into space. If a child needed to defecate it’s likely other adult astronauts would be able to see it’s private parts – which is considered pedophilia. When they return to Earth they would be arrested on sight by the FBI and jailed for producing child pomography.
What a strange thing to say
Surely it would depends on the age and which state they are in ? Although maybe the laws in Florida should apply (18).
(The age of consent varies between the states from 16 to 18-years old – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent_in_the_United_States ).
A super creepy scenario from someone who’s never changed a diaper.
How do you think nurses, carers, etc. deal with small kids my dude?
FBI because they crossed state lines. All state lines and international boundaries. What would Rick Sanchez say?
And “Houston, we have a problem.” (a nod to the Artemis issues)
Just basic bodily functions are a messy affair is space…
As a side note: nothing mentioned of SkyLab and the Shuttle missions in the article.
Hopefully these problems will be resolved before going to Mars.
In space no one can hear you scream, so flush the toilet!
They should look into a centrifugal toilet, that’s something to make your head spin.
/\ This /\ Although it’s likely a joke, it’s also likely the solution to many more issues. The ship should be circular, rotating, and large enough to have a minimum centrifugal force on the outside shell. That force should be enough to have liquids and solids be ejected in the expected direction and collected by a simple (and usual) pot. As a bonus point, the force can be used to cancel a bit of the “loss of gravity” effect. I minimum 0.1G should be enough, since it’s a bit lower to what astronaut will feel on the moon
Last astronaut I talked to described a bucket, bags, and baby wipes.
But that was in 2023, so I don’t know when his most recent stay on the ISS had been.